If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
