Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
