i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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