Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
