and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
this is an emotional support booty call
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
