pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
