areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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