if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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