also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
