She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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