is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
