I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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