What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
