matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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