Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
