it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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