Barsexuality is the new black.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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