Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
