so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
