May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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