I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
