i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
