I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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