guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have post one night stand depression
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