I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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