His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
