my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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