Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
soo... how was my night?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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