Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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