he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
