I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize