if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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