Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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