i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
