what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize