Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
