This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
