I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
