Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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