I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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