chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
