shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It was confusing and full of hummus
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
