Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
