Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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