I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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