Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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