i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
