You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
