My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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