She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
