I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize