My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
