She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
