You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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