fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
