Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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