the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
