i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
