New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
