Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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