I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I am spending my child support on dildos
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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