wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
