who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
