i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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