their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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