If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
