sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
