At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize