They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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