i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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