So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
40s are totally the cure
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
