During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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