thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize