Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
