I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
