It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
