Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
