No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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