Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
