walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
