i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
