This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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