I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize