You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
