Someone shit on the floor
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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