Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
