Me too!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
