I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
