i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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