We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
