I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
