Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
