when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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