Umm I'm too high to move.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
