Your face is a jimmy john
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
is that a dick in a sweater?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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