I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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