I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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