Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
tequila makes me forget i have legs
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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